Spring Break
Take part in the real American tradition: Hypocrisy
Ryan Nowell
Issue date: 8/27/08 Section: Opinion
Further, I don't buy fair-trade chocolate. I gobble down malevolent peanut butter cups wrought from the suffering of some Chilean serf, and polish it off with a box of blood truffles that were coated in the sugary tears of his children. In my defense, the manufacturing of the peanut butter was entirely humane.The founding fathers knew this democracy would work only if its citizens saw themselves as the country's wards, its sole protection against the oppression and tyranny that power creates. This meant that it's our civic responsibility to not only stay informed about politics, but to get involved and hold the people in office accountable.
As a nation we ceded that responsibility once something better came on.
I'd love to watch a couple hours of C-SPAN a day and be able to tell you why House Bill 209-D-Yadda-Yah is a steaming load, start up my own grassroots letter-writing campaign and maybe save one of the few scraps of daily existence that hasn't been ceded to the accountants, bureaucrats, and marketing departments of the world, BUT, "I Love the '80's Strikes Back" is on. Again. And I want to know what Michael Ian Black's thoughts are on the Smurfs a bit more than I want to, you know, actually do stuff. You do stuff, I don't want to do stuff.
I never write my congressman. Ever. Which is a shame, because the Jimmy Stewart classic "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington," culminates in Mr. Smith filibustering for 23 straight hours to stop a bill from passing.
If skinny little Jimmy Stewart could filibuster for a day straight, imagine the endurance some of today's huskier, well-fed congress-persons could show if galvanized by the populous.
Working off of stored body fat made possible by the trust of their voters and the checks of their corporate sponsors, our brave representatives could theoretically postpone Congress indefinitely. Fun fact, on the metric Filibuster-Body Fat Index, Colorado scores an impressive seven!
Yes, my fellow patriots, I am what's wrong with America. But then, you are too, probably. Most of us are. And together, the Hypocrite party has helped turn America from the world's great bastion of humanism to a nation-wide contest to see who can pack the most red meat into their colon.
So come celebrate with us! Have your cake! Eat it!
Ryan Nowell is a senior English major. His column appears Wednesdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.
As a nation we ceded that responsibility once something better came on.
I'd love to watch a couple hours of C-SPAN a day and be able to tell you why House Bill 209-D-Yadda-Yah is a steaming load, start up my own grassroots letter-writing campaign and maybe save one of the few scraps of daily existence that hasn't been ceded to the accountants, bureaucrats, and marketing departments of the world, BUT, "I Love the '80's Strikes Back" is on. Again. And I want to know what Michael Ian Black's thoughts are on the Smurfs a bit more than I want to, you know, actually do stuff. You do stuff, I don't want to do stuff.
I never write my congressman. Ever. Which is a shame, because the Jimmy Stewart classic "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington," culminates in Mr. Smith filibustering for 23 straight hours to stop a bill from passing.
If skinny little Jimmy Stewart could filibuster for a day straight, imagine the endurance some of today's huskier, well-fed congress-persons could show if galvanized by the populous.
Working off of stored body fat made possible by the trust of their voters and the checks of their corporate sponsors, our brave representatives could theoretically postpone Congress indefinitely. Fun fact, on the metric Filibuster-Body Fat Index, Colorado scores an impressive seven!
Yes, my fellow patriots, I am what's wrong with America. But then, you are too, probably. Most of us are. And together, the Hypocrite party has helped turn America from the world's great bastion of humanism to a nation-wide contest to see who can pack the most red meat into their colon.
So come celebrate with us! Have your cake! Eat it!
Ryan Nowell is a senior English major. His column appears Wednesdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Vision of the Annointed: Self-Congratulations as a Basis of Social Policy
posted 8/27/08 @ 7:46 AM MST
Boring! When will these Leftists moralists learn to self-flagellate in private?
Guess what? Nobody's impressed by this self-congratulation, masquerading as angst-ridden guilt-mongering. (Continued…)
Dad Longworth
posted 8/27/08 @ 6:24 PM MST
Don't pay any attention to Craig, Ryan. He never grew up.
We are divided by this, that, and the other, but I've felt for decades that this was planned--Divide and Conquer. (Continued…)
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