Johnathan Kastner
Recent articles
Kastner: Happy thoughts (That aren�t finals)
I know this time of year can be stressful. Teachers hint that you should start studying, and the worry builds up like a weight trying to crush you and destroy all hope and happiness forever in overwhelming bleakness. But cheer up! May 3, 2011 | 1:09 am
Kastner: Land a job through coy flirtation
As a proud holder of a Bachelor of Arts in English, I’ve spent a lot of time job hunting. My resume was in hot demand; I must have sent out more than a hundred before landing a single interview. Apr 26, 2011 | 12:20 am
Kastner: No shut down, just wanted to go on vacation
Governmental Armageddon is here! Not because of the shutdown itself, but because we’ve finally reached a critical mass of petty bickering where we’re actually using the “hold your breath until you pass out” method of negotiation. To be frank, I’ve not done a lot of research about this issue. Apr 10, 2011 | 9:59 pm
Kastner: Don't be scared, just be an adult
Today is the day you become an adult. This may come as a shock to some of you, who are no longer eating your parents cooking, as you already thought you were an adult. Apr 4, 2011 | 11:25 pm
Kastner: Voting tips without a dartboard
The ASCSU election is here, and you have an important choice in front of you. Not who to vote for –– that’s likely irrelevant. Mar 27, 2011 | 11:34 pm
Kastner: My own magical weight loss plan
Weight gain is a serious issue in America –– economically speaking. Our health industry spends a good deal, let’s say more than 20 dollars, each year dealing with obesity. Mar 22, 2011 | 9:48 am
Kastner: Don't just shock but awe
As Americans, it’s about time we had higher standards for our politicians. Special interests and corporations practically own D.C., pushing laws through their well-funded puppets, swaying and borderline falsifying scientific research to make their side look good. Mar 7, 2011 | 3:40 pm
Kastner: Growing up in a growing city
Fort Collins just became the fourth biggest city in Colorado, and CSU enrollment is up to record levels again. Feb 28, 2011 | 1:04 am
Kastner: What is: The end of the world as we know it
I’ve long spoken out against computers and how robots will soon doom us all. Popular movies have supported me, showing historical documentaries such as “Terminator,” which illustrated the painful, nuclear Armageddon that occurred in 1997. Feb 21, 2011 | 12:49 am
Kastner: VDay Part II: The Dateninging
While some may argue that Valentine’s day is an artificial holiday filled with fake sugar and forced sentiment, keep in mind that these people are jealous I got you a date last week. Feb 14, 2011 | 2:41 pm
Kastner: Premeditated dating: A how-to
Humanity is cursed –– we’re born, unlike most other animals, without knowing the exact approach to attract our mates. Feb 7, 2011 | 9:07 am
Kastner: Smile! The future could be watching you
__ Jan 31, 2011 | 2:00 pm
Kastner: Getting perspective on finals week: A story of eternal stress
I’ve been at the Collegian since before some of you thought the opposite gender was swanky, and each year I write at least one article regarding finals. This is because our thoughts around this time are consumed with the impending barrage of life-altering tests and little else until we’re free of their icy grip. Dec 7, 2010 | 10:37 pm
Kastner: Holiday shopping made easy
It’s officially December. If you haven’t finished your holiday shopping, you are running terribly late, as consequence of which your parents will disown you, children will slay you for the inheritance or your rich uncle will give your inheritance to your clearly murderous half-brother. Nov 30, 2010 | 9:37 pm
Will you please free me from writing pod #1334?
One of the difficulties of newspapers over a more flexible medium is that my deadline rudely straddles the conclusion of the voting and the announcing of the results. Any other news I could cover likely pales compared to whatever states are still in deadlock with crucial issues and the changes here in our state. Nov 3, 2010 | 12:49 am
Kastner: Voter apathy: Rocks don't vote
Today, I speak for the youth of this country when I proudly stand up and say, “We have no intention of voting in record numbers. Not now, not ever.” Oct 26, 2010 | 10:28 pm
Kastner: Halloween is cool again
Halloween used to be the best holiday in the world. For no reason, grownups would say to dress in any fashion at all and threaten strangers until they forked over some candy. And they thought it was adorable. Oct 19, 2010 | 9:58 pm
Kastner: Midterm essays can be easy if only you don't try
I consider my English degree to be like a unicorn tattoo on the lower back. It’s something I did when I was young, and now I have to live with it. Oct 12, 2010 | 11:17 pm
Tips to avoid funding the police's quota scheme
Taxes are always bad. Sure, some of you may be impressed that there is a person out there who will drive to your home and risk his or her life to save you should you catch fire, but remember –– this person wants your money. He can have it over your crisp, dead body. Oct 6, 2010 | 10:52 pm
Kastner: Free speech, Internet style - how to discuss religion
As long as the weather remains reasonably pleasant, you’re likely to encounter a giant ring of students on the plaza surrounding one man. This crowd of happy students is usually eagerly exercising their freedom of speech in the most American of all ways: shouting at someone they don’t agree with. Sep 29, 2010 | 10:56 pm
Poll
Who of the following is not on the Board of Governors?
