Super Bowl Bets I Won't Be Making

The Super Bowl means so many different things. Pride. Patriotism. Comradery. Horrible bets for obscene amounts of money.

All of the hype and tradition are dandy and eating glorious junk food with no reserve is amazing, but other than looking for the commercials there’s no interactivity.

So why not bet on something weird?

The stranger ones popping up include whether or not Kelly Clarkson will show off her stomach, the type of hosiery Madonna will wear, and how often Tebow will show up in a game he isn’t even playing in.

Here are a few that you may not have heard of, because I made them up.

• Who will be the first to high-five someone at the party ironically?
• Will Tom Brady look good in blue?
• How many wings will be eaten before you get sauce in your eyes?
• Which commercial will look the cheapest for the $4M cost?
• Who will do the least homework prior to your Super Bowl party?
• Can your TV sustain multiple beer cans?
• Is there enough paint to cover the fat superfan in the New England helmet?
• How many Keystone Lights will be left after everyone is gone?

Now bet and see who has to wear the hula skirt on the corner singing Yah Mo Be There.