No B.S.: A-holes & hole-in-ones

We made it to February, Rams! It’s the month of some very important things — Black History Month, my birthday, Single Awareness Day… my birthday. Just so you’re all aware… And I accept all forms of money as gifts, in cause you were wondering.

On to the Eugene quote to live by: “Some people are really mean to themselves. This is one thing I don’t understand. Why in the hell would you be angry at the one person you are guaranteed to see all day, every damn day? Take this anger out on something else: pick a hobby, play a sport, write. You know what happens to people who hate themselves? They do it their whole lives, then they start to suck, and then they become Newt Gingrich.”
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_Dear NoBS,

I used to be a really nice person. But I’m finding that the more I stay with my current girlfriend, the snappier I am, and the meaner I am becoming. She says what she wants, does what she wants and doesn’t care about others in the process.

I’ve watched this and started to realize that I have taken on some of those traits, walking all over people and saying some really off-the-wall stuff.

Question: Is this my fault or my girlfriend’s fault? And either way, what should I do about it?

Thanks!
Changing&Can’tStop_

Well Changing&Can’tStop,

This can be answered easily. Grow. The. Hell. Up. Don’t blame your girlfriend — who sounds like a lunatic by the way — for your actions. She may have helped bring some of this out of you, but she didn’t create it.

As adults, we have to understand that we are responsible for the lives we lead and the things we do. The very fact that you have taken on her personality may speak to you needing to figure out who you are.

The only thing you can do is think about what type of person you want to be: normal, or a douche. Those are your two choices right now. You don’t have to be Mary Poppins, and you can also have fun, but being mean for no reason is like Lindsay Lohan taking all that meth and thinking she’s still going to be hot.

Most importantly, when you are being mean, look at what type of place it’s coming from. Are you being an asshole just because you can, or is there something deeper that’s there? Are you really trying to help but just find it easier to do bluntly?

But if you’re just picking on people, that’s not okay. You should find a mirror, take a good look at the person looking back at you and punch yourself.
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_Dear NoBS,

I want to preface this by saying that I have never done anything like this before and don’t plan on doing it again.

But I have been sleeping with a friend’s boyfriend for three months. He and I have been friends since we were in middle school, and she and I only met in college. They’ve been dating for two years, and the worst part of it is that I introduced them and told them to get together.

Then as I watched them, I realized I was actually in love with him, and then one thing led to another, and we accidentally slept together, and have been doing it ever since.

Do I tell her so that they can break up and we can date, or should I just stop completely and stop hanging out with both of them?

Help!
InLoveWithHerMan_

Dear InLoveWithHerMan,

First of all, you are in the wrong. This is NOT okay. How dare you call her your friend and then hump her boyfriend? Who are you, Tiger Woods? Can’t help but share yourself? That is not what your kindergarten teacher was talking about!

I hate that you put how you and he were such good friends and you only met her in college — that doesn’t mean you have dibs on his junk. Something you need to realize is the thing that all cheaters forget: if they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you.

Go ahead and assume that it’ll be different. It won’t. Some chick would just do the same thing to you, and you’ll finally see how your friend is going to feel when she finds out. And she will find out, because what’s done in the dark always comes to light.

And you should tell her not so the two of you can finally be together, but because it’s the right thing to do. You are what society likes to call a fake innocent — trying to pretend that you can’t help it, saying that it was an accident. Accept responsibility for your actions.

I mean, come on! An accident? Did he trip and fall in you? If so, he should join the golf team because he has great aim.